Today I had a kick-ass workout, and it was all because I exceeded my expectations, not because the workout itself was anything to write home about. Lifting workouts I'm happy to do--because I'm big, I can usually muscle through them. But the winders or the body weight workouts--in this case a chipper--are totally intimidating and I want to hide under the bed instead of getting my butt into the gym. As soon as I saw that we were doing
-10 handstand pushups
-20 wall balls
-30 toes to bar
-40 box jumps
-60 sit ups
I wanted to take a day off. Luckily I had told the gym I was visiting that I'd be in, so I couldn't just not show up. And I went. And even though an outside observer might not have thought I rocked it, I finished under the time I feared I'd finish it in, and that felt like a gigantic "YAY ME!" victory.
After the workout, I went and had a gorgeous healthy, fresh salad. So far so good. But then, there was a marble slab creamery right next door, and it was hot, and I went in... As soon as I paid for the ice cream, I realized I didn't really want it, I just wanted the feeling that I get from being bad by eating no-no foods. (I like feeling like a f-up I guess.) But I'd already paid for the ice cream, and I HATE wasting food that I've paid for. So I ate a bit, enough to satisfy myself that I was not wasting the money, not enjoying it the whole time. I threw away most of the ice cream and then felt like "OK, THAT was stupid. All of that from walking in the door to eating it to not waste $3 was stupid.
For dinner, I got back on the wagon and had fish grilled with lemon. Because I had sugar earlier, my body was physically craving more. I was eating this delicious fish, but my brain was saying, "Psst. We could stop and get something creamy after this. It could be gluten free and so it wouldn't be so so bad. C'mon. You know you want to." Turning off that self-sabotage/neurological sugar dependency voice is hard. When I'm feeling strong (like when I'm on a 6 week challenge and I'm posting semi-regularly to all 5 of you), I decided to give a competing voice a chance, the one that said that just because I had been foolish earlier in the day, doesn't mean that I had to give up on myself. So here I sit, without any dessert, typing this instead of self-sabotaging.
Yawn, no one is still reading this self-involved drivel. So look over here, fancy ladies doing burpees and deadlifts and making them look easy! This is what I want to be when I grow up:
Please share something in the comments so I don't feel like the narcissist that I am.