Oversharing about my day

Today I had a kick-ass workout, and it was all because I exceeded my expectations, not because the workout itself was anything to write home about. Lifting workouts I'm happy to do--because I'm big, I can usually muscle through them. But the winders or the body weight workouts--in this case a chipper--are totally intimidating and I want to hide under the bed instead of getting my butt into the gym. As soon as I saw that we were doing

-10 handstand pushups
-20 wall balls
-30 toes to bar
-40 box jumps
-50 burpees
-60 sit ups

I wanted to take a day off. Luckily I had told the gym I was visiting that I'd be in, so I couldn't just not show up. And I went. And even though an outside observer might not have thought I rocked it, I finished under the time I feared I'd finish it in, and that felt like a gigantic "YAY ME!" victory.

After the workout, I went and had a gorgeous healthy, fresh salad. So far so good. But then, there was a marble slab creamery right next door, and it was hot, and I went in... As soon as I paid for the ice cream, I realized I didn't really want it, I just wanted the feeling that I get from being bad by eating no-no foods. (I like feeling like a f-up I guess.) But I'd already paid for the ice cream, and I HATE wasting food that I've paid for. So I ate a bit, enough to satisfy myself that I was not wasting the money, not enjoying it the whole time. I threw away most of the ice cream and then felt like "OK, THAT was stupid. All of that from walking in the door to eating it to not waste $3 was stupid.

For dinner, I got back on the wagon and had fish grilled with lemon. Because I had sugar earlier, my body was physically craving more. I was eating this delicious fish, but my brain was saying, "Psst. We could stop and get something creamy after this. It could be gluten free and so it wouldn't be so so bad. C'mon. You know you want to." Turning off that self-sabotage/neurological sugar dependency voice is hard. When I'm feeling strong (like when I'm on a 6 week challenge and I'm posting semi-regularly to all 5 of you), I decided to give a competing voice a chance, the one that said that just because I had been foolish earlier in the day, doesn't mean that I had to give up on myself. So here I sit, without any dessert, typing this instead of self-sabotaging.

Yawn, no one is still reading this self-involved drivel. So look over here, fancy ladies doing burpees and deadlifts and making them look easy! This is what I want to be when I grow up:

CrossFit Women WOD December 12, 2008 from SICFIT on Vimeo.

Please share something in the comments so I don't feel like the narcissist that I am.


  1. Good job, Meagan! Don't get down on yourself -- we're all human, and we all have moments. You still controlled yours. And you're still doing what at least 85% of people don't have the courage and self-discipline to do. Any day you do 50 burpees is a banner day in my book!

  2. Let me tell you a little story about last week, when I had to take my skills test for the 3rd cut in derby tryouts. Knowing I needed to be on my game, I realized I needed to eat something more than just the apple and ham I had for breakfast. What was available in my office? Celery or chocolate covered almonds (gift from coworker.) Rather than going to the store, half a block away, I proceeded to stuff my face full of sugar. Fast forward an hour to the worst practice I've ever had. I thought I was going to pass out and throw up simultaneously. You are not alone, my friend. We make choices all the time. With so many in front of us, it's impossible for them all to be good. The goal is just to get the ratio higher. And on that, you are doing splendidly.

  3. Aw, thanks Tricia and Albert! I've already started out today with chicken, cabbage, and avocado, and I'm feeling much more optimistic for the day.

  4. Keep up the great work Meagan! Sugar gets me from time to time too...but those times will get less frequent! And those are coaches from the CrossFit box where I started CrossFit! Shout out to Coach Crystal in the B&W! :) As far as the challenge, I’m kinda hitting a slump...I need to stop weighing myself everyday because I’ve been discouraged a bit lately. So I'll revisit my goals, and keep doing the baby steps to get there...and maybe try a few new recipes this weekend so I won’t get too bored with the norm. Have a great weekend!