Leaving CrossFit Genius (or, a mushy-a** post)

I haven't posted on here in quite some time. Mostly because I've been leading a life antithetical to to the lean, mean machine I was over the spring (and boy is my body showing it!) I have a thousand excuses and self-recriminations, but those are not what concern me right now. Right now, I'm wallowing in sadness for a different reason.

Today I left my CrossFit gym, and it's mildly devastating. Though my behavior since Tricia moved would suggest otherwise (aka showing up at CrossFit no more than 3 times a week - and that was considered to be an excellent week), I loved my CrossFit gym. I came into myself at that gym, and my self-image was forever altered because of the gym.

I chose to go to CrossFit Genius despite the fact that dear friends, who I wish nothing but success for, opened a CrossFit gym at the same time across town. I fear this choice strained my relationship with those friends, and for that I am sorry. But I cannot explain the feeling of "this is right" that I got from the first time I worked out with Karen and Tony.

These two were encouraging from the get-go in a way that just worked for me. While I was not-so-privately using Tricia as the person I wanted to keep up with (or do better than, if I could), Karen and Tony kept reminding me that this is about ME, not my roommate. This is about what I excel at, what I can do for myself. What a gift. It was because of these gentle reminders that I was able to see Tricia as not an adversary but a buddy in this fun game of kicking ass and taking names. It hasn't been the same without her, but I couldn't have discovered this ally-ness of her presence in the gym if not for Tony and Karen.

I am now someone who considers herself badass. (Or generally badass, with a few months of badness as of late.) How did this happen? How did someone who has always seen herself as the fat, uncoordinated, ungifted girl get to this point? From constant encouragement, laughter, and gentle pushing of two amazing athletes who saw something in me that I had no idea existed.

This is a long-winded, poorly-articulated post dedicated to two people who are badder than bad-ass. Thank you is not enough to express my gratitude.